Crimson Soul
by Akely
Summary: In which the Shinsengumi returned, and Okita try to deal with a more matured Kagura, although growing up strange feelings wasn't included. It all begun with a party, alcohol, the strongest hug he ever shared with a wall...Should he even mention how they ended up at Yoshiwara? And here he thought that shonen jump's heroes only save the world. Changed to five years timeskip.
1. Chapter 1 - Stray

**Author's note:** Hi, I'm Akely~ This is the re-written first chap of Crimson Soul! Hope it pleases you! There's going to be a lot of change- like Kagura being way less OP than the last version, Kana changing to Kouka- so I hope you guys will prefer this version. Anyway, the next chap is already in the phase of writing, so expect Chapter 2 soon, both for Crimson Soul and Of Royalties and Complications !

* * *

 **Crimson Soul**

 _Stray_

They looked at the sky, unlike the last time it was of a beautiful azure, cloudless while the sun darted on Edo.

How long have they been training, hidden at Bushu in order to escape the new shogun Nobu-Nobu? Five years, already, five long years of boredom, anxiety and anger where the Shinsengumi was forced to stay silent. But now, they were finally going back to their beloved city, and meet the ones who always supported them, and protected Edo in their state.

A squad of men, clad in a dark uniform, followed the lead of three figures; Kondo Isao, Hijikata Toshiro, and Okita Sougo.

They didn't change much, if not for their eyes burning of determination, or how satisfied they looked, staring at the buildings in front of them. Small houses, busy streets but more importantly, a small group waiting on the other side of the bridge, for them.

"Tax-robbers finally came back, uh? Have you guys been lazing around? It's been a century already." Gintoki mocked, making his signature troll face although he was in fact, as happy as everyone to find their friends in a perfect state. Well, 'friends' might be overstated, they were sort-of comrades who had the tendencies to get under each other's skins every time they met. But they also fought alongside for the same cause and ideal, _how odd_ , he noted.

"Shut up, sugar-lover. We are back, ten times stronger so we can arrest specimen like you since I'm sure you still don't pay your rent!" The former vice-chief yelled back, amusing the gorilla at his side. It couldn't be helped if they felt nostalgic with the two men's usual bickering.

* * *

After more talking— or more like shouting— they went to the _Snack Smile_ , the infamous hostess club in the Kabuki district. Otae and many others people were already here, having thoroughly prepared a party for the long-awaited reunion.

The Yoshiwara hyakkas, the Joui patriots, and even the Kaientai were present, yet Okita noted the significant lack of a certain vermillion haired brat. He would be lying if he said that he didn't miss her, and their sparring.

Undeniably, China became someone special for him. It was not something he could explain nor understand, but their farewell proved him that she was not just a rival to duel with. Kondo, when asked about these foreign feelings, immediately told him that he 'grew up so much' and 'his son finally found love'.

 _Love? No way. This brat is, at the best, a close friend. Nothing more._ Nonetheless, his eyes searched across the room for her and only, but he was left with nothing. Maybe should he ask Danna? She was with him and the man acted as her surrogate father, so he must know.

"Where's the China brat? Did she die or something?" He deadpanned, even if her fellow former police officers could read concern, even worry, they dared to say.

"Oh, you're talking about Kagura-chan?" To his surprise, it was the resident Megane who answered him, not without a sly smile. "She's a bit late, it's normal. She told us that it takes quite some time to do the distance between Earth and her home planet." He explained, sensing the next question.

"She went back to her home planet?!" To say Okita Sougo was pissed would be understating it. Didn't they promise, that she would stay here to defend the place for him? So he could train with a peace of mind in Bushu?

Shinpachi nodded, "Lot of things happened, and Kagura-chan have decided to train and get stronger too. Besides, Kamui-san said something about Yato puberty so she would have to do it either way." He didn't really understand; however, it didn't shock him if the strongest race in the whole universe has a different metabolism. They may be humanoid, but their strength demonstrated that they were, indeed, different.

Okita sighed, he couldn't do much anyway, it was better to discuss the topic with the concerned. For now, he'll just enjoy the party, he chose while pouring some sake in a cup and drinking it in one sip. The next hour was passed like this, joking from time to time about Hijikata and his uselessness.

Suddenly, in the middle of their chat, someone knocked on the door. When Otae made opened, a bunch of hooded figures entered.

"Oh, it's them Okita-san." Came the cheery tone of the glasses.

"Anego," saluted the smallest figure. "Sorry, our ship took more time than we expected."

Otae shook her head, smiling brightly. "Don't worry, it doesn't matter, as long as you're safe." She assured, her hand taking off the heavy, gray cloak. The woman then widened her eyes, gasping softly at the now revealed girl. "My, you've grown quite nicely Kagura-chan."

Indeed, this 'Yato puberty' was no joke. The brat Okita once knew morphed into a blooming young woman. She sprouts some inches whereas her hair has been grown— vermillion locks fell beneath her small back. The usual messy front strands have been divided more clearly, making three defined sides adorning her more matured face. Once big round cerulean eyes sharpened, complimented with long lashes.

She definitely felt…more feminine.

Not only because of how the white cheongsam hugged her body, now developed nicely, the aura did the job. The way she acted, her manners (which improved, Okita noted), everything was first a change within. She looked more calm. Perhaps, soothed and relieved of an unknown weight.

"Thank you, Anego. You're always beautiful, though." Responded Kagura, making a polite bow. "And don't worry, we ate earlier so you guys won't run out of food."

"Oi," he tried to get her attention when she just sat in between the wall and himself. "You're still a brat, China." Of course, teasing her was his immediate reaction, it's hard to suppress a habit, you know?

"I greet you too, Sadist." Her face grimaced a bit, but then she did a thing that would never happen usually: her lips curved into a smile— a genuine, warm one, not a cheeky grin. "Welcome back."

Okita Sougo was at loss for any words, his heart skipped a beat for a second before his mind worked again. "You lost your aru-aru accent, huh? I wonder why is that the effect of going away from the Earth?" He then bitterly accused.

 _Our promise, China. Was it not important for you?_

"I didn't break our promise, the Yorozuya defended Edo for you guys, and I didn't lose to anyone else." She argued back.

"You didn't accomplish the protecting job, China _." I didn't care about the glasses or danna, I wanted_ _ **YOU**_ _to do it._

Kagura pointed her brother and father, discussing with Gintoki. "I quitted Yorozuya temporary, so I could go with them instead. Now if you don't mind, I'll go to Gin-chan and Megane." She concluded, standing up and running towards her surrogate family, hugging the silver perm with anticipation.

"Sougo, you should have been gentler with her, for a awaited reunion like today!" Kondo reprimanded, having observed the scene while he talked with Otae. He expected a heart-warming welcome back, not the young boy criticizing the girl at first sight. "I'm sure she had her own reasons to leave."

"He's right, after all, she's been yearning for her family to come back. Who wouldn't go? You're not an example too," Hijikata intervened, smoking his cigarette. The sadistic boy was not better, in term of family, and could go to the extreme for the now deceased Mitsuba. It always stung both of their hearts, reminiscing the memories of the meek and generous woman. However, that's also why he used this precise argument.

Kondo put his hand on Okita's shoulder, looking at him seriously. "Go apologize and reconcile correctly, you missed her, right? Hurry."

It irked him to no end, why do the gorilla and mayonnaise-lover want to push him so much? Who cares, China can do whatever she wanted to. "Hurry for what? She's just busy with danna and Megane, that's all."

His grunt only amused more Hijikata, though. He and Kondo were convinced, Okita Sougo, the prince of sadist, definitely liked the China girl. If only he wasn't so prideful…They wouldn't need to advise him so much." Sougo, she's still fifteenth, but both you and I know that she's already a blossoming young woman now. What if there's already someone pursuing her? Go, before another man steal her from you." Hijikata knew exactly how to upset the boy. "Or maybe she's already taken, that's right, you won't mind, right? Since you _don't care at all_."

That was enough to make the boy get up, growl at him and go in the direction of where Kagura was. Taken? What kind of male would be mad or stupid enough to fall for this kind of girl? _But she changed, Sougo_. His mind reminded him. That's right, she might still be cheeky and conserved her strong attitude, but she grew up.

She's not a brat anymore.

 _How can some years do this?_ He cursed mentally.

"China." He grabbed her hand, pulling her further from possible distraction, like danna and glasses stand. "Let's forget this promise thing for a moment, how's been outer space?" He tried to change of topic, releasing his grasp and sitting down, soon followed by the girl.

"Well, I stayed at the Yato's home planet for a moment, it's a destroyed place and there's not really anything to see. But we could fight, against a really strong alien species." Orochi, to be more precise. Umibouzu wanted to make them Kouan's masters as well before they part ways again. Kamui was a space pirate, Kagura an odd-job worker and himself, a famous alien hunter. It was fated for them to separate again— and it would be already the case if the young girl didn't ask her older brother and father to train together. "Then we did many jobs."

This much to keep being at their sides, to reunite the family she yearned for. She knew it wouldn't last forever, but she was satisfied with it. Over time and experience, she learned to give up.

"I see." There was nothing more to say, or at least, Okita's mind was not working well. They didn't see each other for a while too, and he was quite unnerved at the actual Kagura. "I never thought that Katsura and his men would be working with us one day," he tried to change of topic. "Or even just the Harusame and us." He glanced at her brother.

"There's no police force, no pirates, no patriots, no anything, during this kind time. Even the Yorozuya is not really the Yorozuya." The redhead was not distressed at what she said, it was only the truth after all. "We're all considered as rebels or traitors. We're like a big troop of stray cats. We don't exactly belong here, but this is our home at the same time. That's why we fight."

Sougo cocked an eyebrow, sipping a bit of sake before speaking again. "Being poetic now, China? It's a bit too refined for you, don't you think?" He liked to taunt her, to see her getting mad at him, and get her attention. Not that it was anything special, Sadists are usually always this egoist and possessive, even towards their rival. Like how he wouldn't allow anyone else but him to beat her.

"Shut up, Do-S bastard, I'm trying to have a nice talk here, for once!" She glared at him, letting hi mesmerized into her deep ocean orbs as if they were precious sapphires.

China was here, in front of him, like before. Yet, it was certainly distinct from one year ago. They'd never be sitting and chatting as if they were good friends or companions.

 _No, that's not true._ He remembered her heart-breaking smile, up on the bridge while he was thrown into the river beneath. And many other things, the cliff, how depressed he was when the Shinsengumi has been disbanded nevertheless she came, with her own way, to console him.

"Didn't you say that you know that we are your police force?" Now that he thought about it, didn't the girl change of opinion. Or contradicted herself.

"Strays can be whatever they want to be, and the other strays acknowledge it. In the end, we're all the same and understand each other, we just want things to return to its original state, am I right?" She inquired, never would have she thought that she'll have this kind of serious discussions with the prince of Sadist. "The thing it to make the new Shogun and the Tendoshu Naraku accept it, too. Or more like, we are targeting them because they are the one who changed the flow."

"So we're all in the same boat, uh?" Sougo nodded weakly, having a hunch that it won't be this simple. Utsuro, the Naraku's and a coup d'état? As if it would be a piece of cake, even with this coalition. They were partying now, but who knows what might happen the next days? Planning? Training again? His head hurts just thinking about it.

"How about we drink to forget? Just this night, China. You're well over thirteenth, after all."

Kagura paused a bit, hesitant, before accepting the cup of rice beverage extended to her. "All right, just for this night."

* * *

She should have been smarter and wiser than that, maybe it was the nostalgia who pushed her to accept the Sadist's damn offer.

The world was so dark around her, and her head ached so much, so that was a hungover? How could Gintoki endure this pain each morning, and still go play pachinko and drinking each night? Kagura groaned, light was too still too binding to open her eyes.

The only good thing was this warm feeling around her chest as if someone was breathing….

 _Wait._

There was a weight resting on her, something alive because she could feel a chest going up and down regularly.

 _Maybe_ should she open her eyes, even if it would burn them?

And so the female did, only to meet flaxen colored hair, right on her chest. Sadist. He was still sleeping peacefully, sure comfortably installed.

 _I should make Gin-chan or Pachi remind me to not ever drink again_ , she thought, cold pearls of sweat rolling from her forehead to her chin, obviously uneasy with the situation. What could she do now, with this stupid rotten boy's face buried in-between her breasts? How did he end up here, in the first place? Did they do something inappropriate, under the alcohol's influence?

"Sadist, wake up. NOW." She hissed, trying to push his head away from her innocent body. Happily, enough, it was not like she woke up naked next to him, like those soap operas.

"Hmm, shut up Hijibaka-san, the pillow is soft…." Came the response from the late teenager, who was soon going to die, killed by an angry Yato female.

Kagura was already red from anger, and probably also of embarrassment. "S.A.D.I.S.T !"


	2. Chapter 2 - A place to stay and

**Author's note;** Here's the next chapter...I finally decided to go for the five years timeskip, as the rating may go to M. I want to try writing a lemonn, if I don't die of nosebleeding too much while doing it xD Hope you'll like the idea and this chapter !

* * *

 **Crimson Soul**

 _A place to stay and a role to find_

In the end, the poor young man was thrown against a wall then hit with a bottle, none too gently. Kagura was still fuming, it was his own damn fault for not getting up. Now, she could understand why men can have a soft spot for someone. _A soft spot_ , indeed.

"I had enough," she hissed while putting back her grey cloak and umbrella. She decided to not investigate further on what they did yesterday, they were probably too drunk to even remember anyway. Besides, the hostess club was almost empty now, except the Shinsengumi. Everyone seemed to have deserted the area without waking them up first, or maybe did they left last night: her memories were blurry, she couldn't tell at all.

A calloused hand grabbed her shoulder, lightly, Okita was frowning. "Where are you going, China?" He asked while glancing at his men, all of them were beginning to awaken due to the ruckus they caused earlier. "And where are we going to stay? Our headquarters is still under surveillance." He stated sternly, the Shogun still wants their heads, after all.

Kagura sighed, opening the door "Follow me, I have a good idea." The Yatos were going to stay in their ship, hidden in the south of the Kabuki district so the Shinsengumi might sojourn _here_ as well. "There's still a single place safe from the new Bakufu, everyone can dwell in the crowd, moreover, crucial information can be found, if one listens carefully."

While they were sneaking out, with the men abandoning their uniform for a less noticeable outfit— casual kimonos— the red head acted as the lead. Being a Yato blessed with inhumane senses like an eagle's sight, she could easily spot Nobu Nobu's watchdogs in the street. It was good thing that they were patrolling somewhere else yesterday, keeping the rebels from getting discovered.

"To think that even us, the police, are obliged to remain in the shadows…" Hijikata groaned, almost crushing the cigarette in between his lips. His pride was hurt, after years of defending Edo, that was how they were treated? All because of the Tendoushu, more precisely, because of the Tenshouin Naraku. "Where are we going, Yorozuya girl?"

"You haven't guessed? Aren't you supposed to be the former Vice-Chief, Mayora?" Her tone sounded mocking, yet her face conserved a cold and calm face. Her slender finger pointed red rooftops, the Shinsengumi finally realized where they were. This mood of a never ending night, these girls dressed beautifully with their hair decorated with precious ornaments. No doubt, there was only one place in Kabuki district like this…

Kondo's eyes widened, gasping, "Isn't that—"

" _Yoshiwara_ , of course." The female ended, with a smirk. "My brother is the current King of the night; no one would dare to attack us here nor question our presence. Even if some recognize Zura, or Gorilla, they'd think that it's just men drowning in alcohol and women to forget their defeat." She explained, shrugging as the concerned shuddered to be considered as such. However, they knew.

Kagura may have said it crudely, yet it was undoubtedly a great cover. "Tsukki and Hinowa-chan will have enough rooms for everybody, and we are going to pay for the expenses."

Yatos were sought-after for diverse jobs, from alien-hunting to assassination mission, body guarding…In one year, Kagura could make money than she'll ever do as a Yorozuya worker. Gintoki never paid their wages, or maybe once, when he exchanged of soul with Hijikata.

Thus, during those five years, the female got considerably richer. Moreover, if she pulled out a cute or seductive look, clients often gave her some extra cash...Her former self would have despised this kind of life.

 _I couldn't help it, though, we have to survive_. She thought, they were soon beginning a war. Or should she say, the war was already unfolding right in front of her eyes? One day or another, she'd have to kill, at least now she was fully prepared.

"Mother, they came, they came!" Came the excited voice of Seita, tugging on Hinowa's deep red kimono. She was accompanied by the Death god courtesan, as always smoking her kiseru. She looked strangely satisfied or happy, maybe because it was the proof that soon, they were going to make a change in Edo again.

"Calm down Seita, I know that it's been a long time since we saw them." The brown haired woman smiled, bowing politely. "We expected you to come, so the rooms are already prepared." She beamed, graceful as always. "But how about chatting a bit first?"

"Kagura-chan…You've grown so much." Was the first thing Hinowa said after they all took a seat in a big, luxurious Japanese room, probably used for _oirans_ and their clients. "What do you plan to do now? Come back with Gintoki-san?"

"Not yet, or more like I don't know if I'll ever work with the Yorozuya again. Even if we win, I'd be of age to officially start my career as an alien hunter. Or follow Kamui, if I can." Her big brother still needed to be watched closely, and Abuto was not enough sometime.

"I see…How about having a family and marry? You're…nineteen if I remember well. Now, you are a stunning young woman, I'm sure that some fine men can get interested in you."

 _Why is she looking at me? Or am I imagining things?_ Sougo thought, sweat-dropping. Yet, warm pooled in the pit of his stomach…What was that, again?

Kagura took a sip of her tea, it was warm and soothing. "I don't think it will happen anytime soon." She wasn't even sure if she'll be able to give birth, or survive her late thirties. She did have her mother's genes, right? Even her baldy of father confessed it once, that he didn't know if in her body, there wasn't dormant Altana. That maybe, one day, she'll die like her mother if she continued to live on the Earth.

"That's a shame, Kagura-chan." Hinowa cocked an eyebrow, then giggled at the startled look of Okita. It was so easy to read him, by the way his mahogany eyes lingered on the redhead girl. He held feeling for her, that, Hinowa and Tsukuyo were sure. "Well, are you staying here as well?"

"No, I want to spend some time with Gin-chan and Shinpachi!" This time, Kagura's mood lightened immediately. Her pink lips curved into a grin, obviously glad to be with her surrogate family again. "Talking about it, I should go. Thank for everyone, Hinowa-chan, Tsukki, Seita."

She thanked gratefully, going in the direction of the door and soon was followed by another set of footsteps.

"What are you doing, Sadist? Following Gorilla's path, I see." She snickered, but in fact, it didn't bother her to see him. The man she called as Sadist or Bastard, depending on the situation, was a sort-of comrade and friends. When she was still fourteen, and at the start, she viewed him as a _playmate_.

Okita Sougo was the _only_ boy, hell, person around her age to be able to compete with her. Instead of getting scared of her strength, he gladly sparred with her weekly, and tried to reach for her in his own twisted way.

But what was he exactly to her now? Only a rival? A friend? It didn't bode well with her, and she couldn't put a finger on why.

"You wish, brat." He taunted, with this infuriating smirk of his. "Anyway, you are sure that you don't want to know about what happened in the boss lady's hostess club?" He asked, it surprised him when she shrugged it off so quickly. He did wake up with his head peacefully resting on her chest.

 _Ah, she's not flat-chested anymore._ He wouldn't be able to tease her about it, now.

"Gin-chan said that it's always like that when you drink, so I can't help it in any case." Painful memories of the prank, with him waking up just besides Otose was so horrible. He blanched each time someone reminded him, but it made everyone else laugh. "It's not like we did anything. Maybe you just fell asleep on me."

Besides, it was not the first time that this kind of even occurred in her life.

"Or maybe I did other things, who knows?" Okita teased, sticking childishly his tongue at her. What he said what true though, both of them were clueless about what they may or may not have done yesterday night.

"It's not like I have any memories of it, so I don't care." She replied, it was better this way, to not remember anything. Or else, she'd probably act weird around him, she had always been uncomfortable with love and such. Yatos were naturally not interested in this special subject, most of them reproduced just to quench their lust or to make the species survive. Her parents were a rare exception. "Just forget about it."

Sougo frowned, it didn't bode well with him, it was as if, as if— It didn't matter to her. Him or another man, Kagura didn't really care of who and what happen to her body, as long as it didn't affect her in anyway. "Really? Since you're not a brat anymore, you should at least protect yourself or something," he reprimanded.

"You're not my mother, Sadist. I do whatever I want to, it's not your problem." Kagura cut dryly, she didn't like how it was going. Since she would probably never get in any serious relationship, her quotidian was sometimes spiced with flings and one night stands.

Abuto once told her, _"Your brother is something else but most of us are made of animalistic needs. Food, blood and...Desire."_ She believed it without doubt, her father was a good example with the way he acted when it concerned her mami. Or even her, she craved for it, ever since her puberty.

Was it such a bad way to live? She sure was not made for romance, and it helped her into not feeling alone.

That's right, she wouldn't admit it, but her place was here, on the blue planet. Without the Yorozuya, Anego, Zura heck even the Shinsengumi, she didn't feel whole. During these years where she followed Kamui and her papi, Kagura felt utterly empty, uncomplete. Yet, staying in the blue planet was not an option.

Not when she will go through difficult periods, like the infamous _Yato period_ which would only amplify her natural longing. Not to mention the possibility of inhering her mother's altana, and worrying her friends because of it.

Okita snapped her out of her reverie. "I'm not your mother but I'm at least, the rival you must keep up with. So better listen to my advice, China." He responded, not liking her answer... _At all._

"But what if we're not rival anymore?" Her cerulean orbs drowning in his, destabilizing him. Okita couldn't understand what she meant by this, as their rivalry was logic, something which would continue forever or so he thought.

"What are you saying China? We have always been rivals." _Or does our rivalry don't matter to you at all? The only bond we share._

"One day, we won't be able to keep this up. I'll be away, and we'll never see each other again." She paused a moment, "Even if we did, maybe you wouldn't be able to keep up with me. Or maybe it would me that will be left behind." _Dying, somewhere, like Mami._

He was at loss of words, totally unnerved. It doomed upon him— that everything would not come back as before— especially China. She was different than them, and maybe Earth was too little for a her. But he didn't understand the last part, how the hell a Yato be less strong than a human?

Wasn't Kagura very prideful, like him? She would usually never say such thing. Her, being weaker? _No way._ So why would she hint this?

It made him feel _scared._ Him, the former first captain of the Shinsengumi, cold-blooded manslayer, _scared of something._ To lose his only rival, perhaps, or was it something else? His heart strained more than he would have liked to admit, the last thing he needed was to fall for her when she morphed into someone else. Not the China he knew, in any case.

The female seemed to regret her words as soon as she pronounced them, biting her lower lips, feeling guilty for throwing her own emotions at the Sadist. It felt so natural to do so, with him, but she won't repeat the same error. No one should ever discover he may or may not existing problems, and if she could, the way she grew up too.

Once, she declared to be born on the Earth. Yet, she became the opposite, Kagura was the epitome of a pureblood Yato. It couldn't be helped, this blood ran through her veins, that she wants it or not.

"It didn't mean anything special Sadist, forget it." She feigned a shrug, and turned her back to me.

"You're telling me to forget many things today, China." His hand caught hers, he was surprisingly…Warm. "Tell me, what are you hiding from me, form us?" Okita asked more seriously, he wasn't going to relinquish his grasp on her until he learned everything.

"Nothing you need to know!" The redhead easily hit him so she could escape from his grip and jumped on a roof, quickly disappearing from his view. The young man stood still, staring at his hand before letting a deep sigh out.

 _What is wrong with her? She was okay last night. Women are so complicated._


	3. Chapter 3 - Mind Game

**Author's note:** Here's the chapter 3! I added lyrics from You exist in my song - Qu wanting, inspired by the awesome WhisperedSilver. I'm sorry for not answering personnally each of your reviews like I did before, I forgot and now It's like 1:47am and I'm on the phone, which makes it harder. And I really want to prioritize the update first, for those who were waiting!

Still I'll answer I love Okikagu & Mi-chan questions: no there's not going to be any Character Death. If I don't use the genre 'Tragedy' then 99% of the time, there won't be such thing :)

Thank for everyone's reviews, favourites and followers, you are my motivation Please enjoy this chapter!

* * *

 **Crimson Soul**

 _Mind game_

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 **But like this, without me knowing**

 **You quietly disappeared,**

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Their spat turned out in a way Okita didn't like, he hasn't seen Kagura ever since then. She has always been unpredictable to him, despite their on-going rival ship, but this time felt different somehow, he couldn't put a finger on why exactly, but it was certainly not her normal reaction.

Moreover, he was not even sure if they were still rival or simply something to each other. They used to meet up at least once in a week for a brawl, whereas nowadays he could hardly have a grasp of her, hell, even the concerned questioned it last time. If they would be able to keep this bond as strong as before— or keep it at all.

"One day, we won't be able to keep this up," she said, "I'll be away, we'll never see each other again."

 _Why?_

The former officer wanted clear answer, thus he decided to search and confront her like they always did. Since the morning he has been visiting multiple places where she could be: the Yorozuya, Shimura home, and the park without any success, the Yato's hideout was his last bet. Okita cursed himself for not thinking about this possibility earlier— it was also closer to his own refuge. He felt like an idiot at this time, but quickly focused on finding the redhead.

Their ship was hidden among the red light district's former ceiling debris, which has been thrown like garbages somewhere in the South. No one came here, and the Yatos were not really bothered by the environment. They stayed, most of the time, inside or at Yoshiwara for foods and perhaps, women for some former Harusame members who followed Kamui and his family.

"The door is open? How careless." Okita soon shrugged the fact off, as he entered, leading him in a seemingly never-ending hallway. He expected Chinese decorations, but instead was a normal, simple yet frighteningly cold spaceship. Imagining China living there was quite hard, the red theme girl, five years in this kind of dreary place? Impossible, however it was the truth.

Maybe that was how she lost her brazen, but the merry personality of her's. Kagura became, instead, more aloof, although she didn't show it directly. The way her cerulean eyes lingered on the silver and glasses samurais talked to her, she was feeling alone during these years. Okita was no fool, even if she did change through times he could still understand her better than anyone else.

 _It doesn't make any senses, though, she finally returned after five years— how can she be lonely?_

There was also something else, beneath this fake facade where she still try to smile, to be like before when she's not. The flaxen haired man swore to break this mask and discover her reasons behind, whether Kagura liked it or not— he needed to know.

Part of him yearned just to get everything back in its rightful place, to see her cheeky smile and evil cackling each time she wins their quotidian sparring. And probably break a bone or two, along with a load of scratches scattered on his body. Or how she yells angrily at him, refusing her defeat because of her pride as a warrior, and as Kagura, the Yorozuya girl, daughter of Umibouzu and the sister of Kamui. She was always proud of herself.

However, this spirit forged by fire was, without doubt, gradually disappearing, on the verge of dying. This comes the end of this Kagura for someone else.

A someone Okita couldn't recognize nor accept.

He had to glue the pieces back, before his China leaves for good with him watching her back ass he walks away, out of his life. Like five years ago, where Sadist and China were separated until now.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **From my world, without a word**

 **Leaving behind only memories,**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Her vermillion locks cascaded beneath her waist as she got up,tangled and terribly messy. Kagura groaned at the sight, knowing how hard it would be to return them in their original state: silky and straight.

Maybe hours of painful and intense combing would do, but she was too lazy for that. Her body ached from...Bed activities.

Last night was passed by a stranger, she remembered him as quite handsome with sharp feature and bright hair. Her poor observations didn't go further than that, Kagura doesn't pay attention to one night stand. Not anymore. It was just another random guy she judged as potable enough for her taste, he got laid, she quenched her desire and that was all there is to it.

It was not even a question of pleasure, after a year or two living this way. Simply, only, an animalistic need she must soothe more or less often, depending if she had a period or not.

"Suck to be a Yato," she grumbled while putting more presentable clothes. Her marble-like hand rummaged in the closet for a casual black and crimson cheongsam, grabbing and beginning to unbutton her current cloth first.

Before a flaxen-haired man showed up suddenly, having a disheveled Kagura right in front of him. Evidently, she forgot to lock the door last night, being too tired she directly jumped on the bed for a good night's sleep. It was her fault, but he could have at least knock beforehand, it was a lady's room after all. Didn't he read the sign?

"Oh."

"Oh indeed, jerkass. You have a problem with harassing me lately, it seems." It was not really a reprimand or even a complaint, she still felt sore and was in no mean in the mood to fight with him. Sighing in defeat, she waved with the back of her hand, "Let me change and you'll tell me what you're doing here."

Okita was surprised to have not been thrown against a wall, or have his ribs crushed by her inhuman force. And he was glad, for once, nodding and showing himself out.

He was curious though, was she always so messy-looking in the morning? It's as if she just woke up, even though it was well past 11am.

"You can go in now," came her tired tone. "So, why did you come here, Sadist?"

Her room was surprisingly clean, the male noted, unlike her precedent look. The interior was even fancy, with decorations coming from different planets and galaxies. As expected from her.

"I came here for answers," he replied almost absent-mindedly, he was wondering about too many things to really focus on his goal. "About what you said last time."

"There's nothing, I've already said it. Even if there was, I wouldn't tell, but Gin-chan or Shinpachi first don't you think?" She was sarcastic. And awfully dry.

He winced, for he has been trying to reach for her like he has always done, but it wasn't mutual anymore. Her eyes didn't spare a glance at him, they were resting on his face, however her blank look told him otherwise, she wasn't there.

They were both equally distracted. But Okita's attention was still on Kagura, and her every move. Never had he thought about her this much, it may also because he never needed to really ponder about her actions. She was an open-book, anyone could read her emotions or her thought without difficulty.

Her mature self naturally became less easy to read, she still burst when troubled but only in this case. Usually she concealed everything a smile— like the Boss Lady, like Mitsuba and other women.

Because in the end, he was reminded of how his rival evolved from a brat to a fully-fledged woman.

And it unnerved him. Quite a lot, actually.

"But they didn't notice that you were not okay," he took a big inspiration before dropping his next words, "I did."

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **You exist, deep in my mind,**

 **In my dreams, in my heart and in my song.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Kagura's mouth curved without her agreement, painting a warm, grateful smile. "You always notice first." She told him, remembering the week where she faked her illness, and got a taste of her own medicine by assisting to a disastrous funeral, organised specifically for her. Of course, the Sadist was the mastermind behind this evil plan. "I never understand how did you find me out back then."

To say Okita Sougo was surprised would be understating it.

China...She was giggling and looked genuinely _happy_ , something her fourteen years old self would never, ever do. Not in front of him.

They were rivals. Showing this kind of side was weakness, she only opened fully to everyone else but him.

However she just did it, suddenly, out of the blue.

They were not rivals anymore.

As if light suddenly shone upon his confused mind, Okita understood. If they were not rival, then their relationship could change into...Something else. A different bond, perhaps, roman—

He did not consider this option, did he? Kondo and Hijikata had repeated again and again about his supposed love for the China girl, which he opposed to all the time. He couldn't, wouldn't fall for her because, because—

" _She's only my rival, Kondo-san. I just want to prove her who's the strongest of us, that's all."_

" _This girl is mine to beat up!" He had bellowed while his katana crushed the enemy's skull._

"Cat got your tongue, Sadist?" She mocked at his silence. Besides, the man looked enlightened, for no apparent reasons even though he has been bitter and weird ever since he came. "You definitely became stranger with years, are you already senile?"

Her taunt didn't awake him, Okita was too much busy in sorting his thought and feeling first. To his utter surprise, he noted that he was always watching her. Observing her. He learned her reactions and habit almost by heart— so he doubted _his declarations._

He could love her, after all, why else would he try so hard?

"Senile? Not at all, China." _I might be mad, though._ "I'm perfectly fine don't change the subject, we're talking about your problem. You admitted that there's indeed something, right?"

"Nothing alien-hunting and Yoshiwara can't cure." She cut dryly, gasping. "Shit, I didn't mean to—"

"... _Yoshiwara?_ "

 _I blurted this out. I. FREAKING. BLURTED. THIS. OUT._ Kagura was screaming internally, she shouldn't have lower her guard and kept her mouth shut instead!

"What do you mean by _Yoshiwara_?" He frowned, grabbing her shoulders although knowing perfectly how easy for her it would be to throw him away, he was strong too. This time, Okita won't let her go, he demanded explanations.

"My…Life doesn't concern you." She hissed, but not budging out his grasp.

"That's true but," his brows furrowed, "Do you prefer that Danna or Megane asks you? It does concern them, right?"

"No." They didn't have to know about these things, Kagura hoped to hide it, to not hurt them of the Yato female she was. "It's just...They would understand but...Ignorance is a bliss. I've just returned and I don't want to bother them with this Yato stuff."

He cocked his head. "Yato stuff?"

"Since I became an adult Yato now, I have to face my needs you see. Food, fight and desire is also part of it. It's stupid, but that's how it is." Kagura sighed, embarrassed, even more than the day where Abuto and Umibouzu gave her the 'talk', with this puberty ending. "So yeah, Yoshiwara is a great help, finding random guy is easier there."

"Can't you simply get a lover or a partner? It would be easier for you, and more...Moral. Both of us don't care about this but exterior people will always judge you." China having her ways with other men strangely didn't bode well with him. His heart was strained, it was painful.

It hurts even more, her, with a lover? He couldn't even picture it without throwing up or his blood rising— maybe both at the same time.

"I'll keep it as what it is, meaningless sex. I've told you, no? I can't stay here for a long time, I'm not sure if I can." She won't get in any serious relationship before her papi says that she's okay, that she doesn't have Altana like her mother. That she didn't inherit of Kouka's immortal side.

If anyone was eligible for her, couldn't he...Give it a chance? It was not like he saw it as an opportunity to get her, but this way he'd be able to help her out. To be the one doing it, no a stranger.

And maybe, just maybe, because he hoped to get her heart on the way too.

But she said it— _meaningless_ sex— she wouldn't see it otherwise. One day, she'll leave, like Kaguya hime to her moon she'll eventually need to go away for some private reasons.

Okita knew when to stop prying into her life, if it was really personal and a taboo topic, he'd back off, swallowing his curiosity but not his worriness.

"I—I can—" What was he telling? Why was he speaking? No, it was not a good idea. He wouldn't accept to be considered equal to a stranger, for her, he wasn't just a friend, rival with benefit or whatever they could be. "I can help you." Too late, his mouth, this traitor, said it all.

Kagura shook her head with an unwelcomed fervor. "No, you can't. I won't let you, I've heard enough stories to know that it's **not** a good idea." _I can't afford the risk— to feel love. Especially if it's him._

"Why?" His voice came out distressed, almost annoyed to be refused. "If you need it, wouldn't it be better if you have someone? I'm an old rival, it's okay. Or are you afraid that you might fall for me?"

 _Or am I not good enough for you?_

"They say it's hard to separate sex and feeling." _You're not bad on the eye, and you're probably the closest male I have, if we don't count family._

"So you can fall for me? Does it bother you so much, if you heart beats for me?" His eyes dilated, Okita could sense he was losing his usual calm attitude, along with hid sanity.

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **The world is so big, why did we meet?**

 **Could it have been chance?**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

Before he could stop it, Sougo was already pulling her towards him while he leaned—

 _And crushed his lips on hers._

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **Could it have been destiny?**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

* * *

Here's the end! Lemon is soon arriving hehe~ Feel free to leave a request/idea if you have one, the 'serious' arc with Utsuro and all is not coming so soon. First, Okikagu development !


	4. Chapter 4 - HealBroken

**Author's note:** Hohohoho It seems that I survived writing lemon without losing all of my blood xD Hope I wrote the lemon correctly since it's my first time doing this!

Xxeoxx: Thank you :D

Haruna19: Haha, here it is then ;D Okikagu is love, okikagu is life!

Depressivereader: Well...I know you probably won't read this but I still want to have my share of words and explanations. While I agree with most of your words, I wouldn't judge someone who has one night stands as a sl*t. Kagura's case is problematic because it's not like she had lot of choices, and it saddens her more than anything (like what you talked about) but if someone chooses this kind of lifestyle and lives it well, then I don't see any problems there. Who am I to criticize someone else for that? Everyone have their own values and way to see life.

Lu89: Thank you very much 3 Fluff is good, isn't it?

Mitsuki Hope I didn't make you wait too much then, and thank yours for your kind words!

Ami: Thank you Ami-chan! Yeah, I'm happy that you liked the song :D I'll try to put some more, when I'll find a good one fitting a chapter, after all, who doesn't like to discover new music?

Mi-chan: It's only normal ;) Glad that the tension worked haha XD Glad again if people like this song. And thank you very much!

I love Okikagu: Please don't be it's normal to reply...I'm feeling so guilty for not doing it for the previous chapter TT^TT Even if I love talking with my readeeers bsdbsdfviu Thank you for supporting me and I hope this chap will be good enough :)

 **(!) WARNING:** **MATURE AND EXPLICIT CONTENT (LEMON) IN THIS CHAPTER. PLEASE SKIP UNTIL REACHING THE BIG HORIZONTAL LINE IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ OR STOP READING THIS FIC AT ALL (!)**

* * *

 **Crimson Soul**

 _Heal - Broken_

"What— Stop now, Sadist!" Kagura panicked at the sudden move, for one second the blood burned her whole, almost suppressing the ridiculously small amount of sanity left inside. She couldn't let her Yato side do whatever it wanted to accomplish, not with the Okita. Not with anyone she knew. This was the sole rule she could impose, especially during her period.

Right, if the infamous 'time of the month' for a human female was resumed as a hell-week in which she bleeds from somewhere Kagura's rather not think about, thus becoming man hater she-devil. Yatos were, for once, less extreme. They were already naturally violent, the universe would be severely wrecked up if they had this kind of period too.

"Fucking stop it!"

She complained again, and Okita thought, _why don't she simply push me away?_ It would be so easy, with her inhuman strength. Yet, her breathing began to lose its regularity, her cerulean eyes were in a daze, and those swollen lips of hers were agape— almost asking for him to capture them again and again.

 _Why did it go so wrong?_ The Yato cursed, she hated _period_ where she loses control of her own body, more than usual. Lust, desire, they permeated her mind like stains, they tainted and killed her soul.

She didn't want to be just an empty shell, a simple body, a powerless doll. Mami taught her, _Anego taught her, Tsukki taught her_ — What was being a strong woman. They were great models, and she couldn't live up to their life lessons.

"I don't want to," for the first time, she let out her first cry of pain. Tears began to swell up in her eyes, startling the flaxen-haired.

Never has Kagura once re-questioned her lifestyle, while she regretted it a lot. Knowing it would be unavoidable anyway, she preferred to act indifferent. As if she didn't care, as if she didn't _feel._

She may be a pure Yato, however, erasing inner torments was out of her reach.

Her flings or one-night-stands banned any form of affections or senses. It didn't mean every man treated her badly, like a vulgar rag either, no, some were quite gentle and caring. Simply, every word whispered, every moan and everything else didn't matter. She was the one to decide it. So it was alright if she and her partner of the night didn't share anything besides mutual attraction.

But Okita was different. He was the Sadist, the rival she used to have, the friend she could still count on...Not someone with whom she'd sleep with, because their bond was too precious to be mingled with this kind of forgettable, replaceable relationship. They could be thrown, not this one.

And it hurts to see him act like _them_. They saved each other multiple times while swearing bickered a lot too, and had fun. A lot of fun, of secret, smiles hidden when they turned their back, of well-hidden softened hits during their weekly sparring.

"Stop, don't destroy it further. Don't take back _our moments_ , you hurt them!" Her words were laced with an irrational fear. She didn't believe him, in how he could help her.

Okita's grasp released, instead, his warms hands began to caress her back, making small circles in a tentative to calm her down. It felt odd to comfort the redhead since she never needed it before or at least, he wasn't the one needed to do so. For the first time, he felt useful to her, to be able to help the female.

"I won't do anything that will degrade them in any way, it's a promise." He assured softly, "I didn't mean to pain you. I'm sorry." The former officer didn't apologize often— more like never— and the only exceptions were Mitsuba and China.

Even he wasn't heartless enough to let her sob alone, without worrying. How could he? The emotionless assassin said it, his companions repeated it— that she was his soft spot. His weakness.

"Let me heal you, China." He almost pleaded, his right hand moving to cup her cheeks whereas his lips planted against hers, this time, more tender. "Trust me, I'll stop if you tell me to." Kagura seemed to have relaxed, accepting his contact, his touches. Her arms even hugged his next, letting her weight rest on him completely.

 _No more errors there._

When the girl began to show more passion, Okita licked her lower lips, making her gasp— granting him an access to her mouth. He was not much experimented but did his best to please her nonetheless, freeing his emotions as he explored her cavern. She tasted sweet, he appreciated, did she eat dangos?

However he quickly forgot about the Japanese dessert when Kagura's flustered face was in front of him, he was burying this face forever— in his mind. He began to unbutton her cheongsam, waiting for her approval first, his heart almost had an attack when she nodded.

 _My blood pressure is high, too high!_

Her skin has always been fair, and it was even white underneath. She looked like a sculpture, ivory, her curves deliciously drawn. If she has no sex-appeal or whatsoever at fourteen years, Kagura became a striking woman. The flaxen-haired swallowed a gulp, continuing his undressing as she panted more loudly.

It was almost as if she shuddered each time they came in contact— he cocked an eyebrow.

"Yato females...Are weaker and more sensitive during their period." She explained, reading his interrogative expression.

It was certainly true because her rational train of thought has been completely ignored. Love and Altana to be damned, she felt actually alive again. With his tender touches yet impassioned stares, Kagura was not just a body of compulsions anymore.

Not an empty shell, but his China. Not a random good-looking or exotic female, nameless. She was Kagura, _China_ , someone Sadist knew and appreciated, in his own way.

Her bra fell as he unhooked it, he hummed in appreciation before landing a hand on it. As if discovering her, he tried to feel her — without acting too awkward, if possible. Her breasts molded perfectly in his calloused hands, and when he tentatively rubbed the pink nubs, Kagura couldn't silence her moaning anymore.

Feeling more confident, Okita continued his ministrations, lowering his head and started to suck her right nipple while the other fondled the left one, giving it an equal attention. Her whimpers, gratifying him, also aroused him even more, he felt himself getting stiffer.

The tension was also building up waist down, pooling warm, Kagura surprised herself stripping him of his crimson _uwagi_ and revealing an impressive set of abs. She would be lying if saying that it didn't have any effect on her at all, quite the contrary, her hands roamed from his chest and lower, lower. She liked the feeling of his muscles contracting when she brushed them, lightly.

"Uhn," the male groaned, stopping every movement. He made sure to lock the door and carried the girl to her bed, undressing her totally of her Chinese outfit and getting a...Pleasing view, he dared to say. _I didn't know that China wears lingerie._

Kagura refrained herself to giggle at his amazed look, before frowning at his attire. "It's not fair if I'm the only one almost-naked." She pouted, silently observing the Sadist taking off his pant and every other unwanted hear like footwear.

Now, they were both down with boxers and panties.

Their eyes lingered mutually on each other, Okita got on the bed and was hovering her, trapping her legs and arms between his. Her eyes were half-lidded from desire, probably like his own, and her neck of a pure snow white. The pearls of sweat rolling from her down to her clavicles didn't help—

He began with butterfly kisses until finding a sensitive spot that made her moan particularly loudly. His tongue was torturing her, her hands clenched on the fabric of her bed. Damn Yato hormones, her breathing was ragged and her normal strength left her for the moment, she was at his mercy.

After leaving a trail of red spots on her neck to the upper torso, he continued his path, crossing the crevice of her breasts, passing her stomach with a few more kisses, reaching the pelvis areas.

His eyes darted at her, for one last question. "Are you really okay with this?"

She wanted to say _yes! Because it's you, because you take care of me._ But she opted for a nod instead, she was not falling for this man. He just...Made her feel good, but it was not a reason to—

Kagura's mind went blank when his mouth neared her delicate folds, he had retired her panties rashly. Okita was not much in deep thought too— or in this case, deep thought about her. He was already hard, by her cries, but the sight of her mound worsened it. It almost hurt, at this point, but he needed to make sure she was ready first.

He couldn't afford to make her uncomfortable. He wanted it to be as pleasurable for her than for him.

"You're already this wet, though," he noted, licking her tentatively, clumsily. He was no expert but was a very good learner and an attentive lover, he quickly got the hang of it. The redhead was trying to suppress herself from thrashing and yelling too loudly at the burst of thrill, calling out his first name— a very rare occurrence— as she came.

"Sougo!"

It was enough for the male to pull off his boxers as fast as he could, deftly penetrating her and making her yelp from the roughness. She didn't really mind it at this state, even if she hasn't recuperated yet, a new wave of satisfaction overwhelmed at each thrust.

It was still controlled at the start, but both of them knew they were losing themselves. His hips accelerated, hitting faster, deeper as Okita himself moaned all along. Their heart skipped thousand of beats, their shouts were forming almost a chant.

"Ka..gura..." His voice was husky, more like a grunt/

Their tongues were swirling and dancing, trying to win this battle of dominance as they climaxed, Sougo retired himself and came on her belly.

Soon after, he collapsed beside her, exhausted from the intense...Session.

* * *

The sun was still darting through the windows and silence filled the room, it's not like they expected any pillow talk, though. One was absolutely mortified for having done the deed, the other was utterly...Uncertain. Scared of her reaction, what if she regrets it? What if she comes to hate him?

They did something unthinkable, for their younger selves or companions, in clear, it was not expected for their relationship to turn...like that.

For Okita, the redhead was the only woman he'd accept as a love, no one else could replace Kagura, in any way, he had decided. He wanted to restore the gleaming eyes she once wore, and for her to be happy again, it was not a simple care for a rival anymore. He knew because his eyes always looked for her even she was obviously not there, and he wanted to embrace her each time he was this melancholic face.

For Kagura, the Sadist was not supposed to be part of her private life. He had been a rival, was a close friend, is an ally and will not be any more than that. Because she cared for him and hoped to never, never fall for him. Or anyone she knew so he could marry a great, amazing woman, get a warm family to welcome him after a hard day of work and be happy with his life

She could never give him those nor could she do this to anyone.

Gintoki and Shinpachi too, wouldn't see their precious Kagura anytime soon. Anego and the other girls should forget the self-titled Kabuki-Cho queen, too. They would be disappointed if they learned how much she changed, and not for better.

Her self-confidence died somewhere, along with her values. The human changed into a monster- like the other- the one she once criticized, feared to become. Someone who has no control of her life anymore, a slave to her blood...Now, what? She got trapped into his sweet words.

They charmed her. They gave her hope. Just a little maybe, which made her fall into his arm quite literally.

 _Maybe I can still change._

 _Maybe I can still have a family and friends._

 _Maybe, I won't be lonely anymore._

 _Maybe, I can be happy._

 _No._

 _Wrong._

 _Liar._

 _You don't know anything._

 _Why?_

 _I don't need your pity, I'm not weak- not weak- I don't need your help. Can't you just go away? Let me, let me, I don't want to feel anything. I won't._

"You, are the true liar here, Kagura." A voice reminded her, of course, she was not well, who was she fooling? Her future was uncertain, her present was not what she wanted it to be and she was left with her past but everyone will turn the page. They'll find what they need, and she?

She'll be left alone.

Her papi tried to sugarcoat it, so she wouldn't get depressed but his eyes spoke the truth. Mami wouldn't suddenly get weaker with her birth, she was immortal. The Yato's home planet's almost goddess, besides, it didn't happen with Kamui. When he was born, Kouka was healthy and had more than enough force to kick the two men whenever they did stupid things- which happened very often.

Her mami gave her the rest of her Altana, that, she was sure. Immortal don't get sick so easily, she had been weakened by the lack of her life source- which was transferred to her very own body. Was it only because she was a girl too, or maybe the thing had actually a conscience and know that the reign of Kouka was due soon? No one could inform her about it. Perhaps, the only one who could answer her questions was Utsuro himself- the earth's immortal.

She needed another kind of answers now, though, the Sadist ultimately made her give up, helped by her period and now, she didn't know what to think or say about it except that it was a big mistake.

"Sadist" she called him, her back facing him. «I don't understand why you did this, or why you would 'heal' me."

His brows furrowed, sighing, "Isn't that clear that I hold some sort of feeling for you? Count it as courting, or something like that." He was going, to be honest with her- she's too dense for indirect innuendo anyway- it was one of the few traits she shared with the fourteen years old China. "I wouldn't pick you if I was just playing around."

"How come you are always sure of yourself? You never seem to regret your actions or the path you took." Her voice came more soft and desperate than she would have liked. "I'll never be able to make you happy. Or give you what you want. "

"I'm sure of myself because I know I'll regret it if it's not you, " was he being romantic, now? "Either way, I'll be unhappy, better try rather than do nothing, right?" "There's plenty of choices and times ahead of you, I am not special. Dazzling beauties are roaming in Edo, Anego, Sacchan and Tsukki proved me that there are other girls you'd be able to like, more amazing, stronger girls."

 _Get away from me.  
_ _You don't need me.  
_ _I'm not worth it._

 _Please, don't hurt me anymore.  
_ _Don't let me hurt you.  
_ _Don't let me hurt._

 _Don't.  
_ _Me.  
_ _You  
_ _Hurt._

 _Don't.  
_ _Hurt._

 ** _Hurt._**


	5. Chapter 5 - Decision and Hesitation

**Author's note:** The fifth chap of Crimson Soul yay 3 It's a bit less dramatic, with some moment I hope, will be amusing.

PutxiChan, Rita: Thank you very much :) Here is the chapter!

Guest: True enough, it's one of Gintama's canon pairing right? :p

Withoutsmile: Here is the update, I hope I didn't take too much time for you! Fluff is coming with this and next chapter :D

Jess-nee: Omg please don't make me die of fangirling too hard q/q I'm glad that I did the lemon, it's a quite amusing challenge for me, there are probably more coming up haha *try to stop her nosebleed* It's hard for Kagura too, though. I love drama too much XD

Mitsuki: *extend tissues* Please don't cry, they are just a pair of idiots ah Q/Q Yeah, fortunately, I survived so probably more sexy times huhu. That's it if it's interesting enough? Or at least written correctly. I love bittersweet moments, haha, but it's going to be fluffly now.

Mi-chan: Here's the next chap then =D We should just push them to marry and become canon right? It both apply on the manga and my story haha

Ami: Thank you very much 3

Lu89: It honors me :D I hope I didn't make you wait too much.

I love Okikagu: My body impressed me, I have more bloodstock than I thought haha Thank you for you kind words, I hope it will be the same for this chapter too. Please be fine and take care too :)

* * *

 **Crimson Soul  
** _Decision - Hesitation_

* * *

Sougo mood blackened because of her words. Never had he seen China like that, drained of her confidence whereas her beauty reached its with smile and her strong, unbending character. But in front of his eyes lingered a girl who did not consider herself as worthy. Her dull eyes were tired, so tired.

However, a gleam remained in the deep ocean eyes, telling him to prove her otherwise.

"Is it so hard for you to imagine me loving you?" He sighed tiredly, wrapping an arm around her shoulder until she was pressed against his chest. "You know me, I'm stubborn as hell, if I decided that you would be the one then it's going to be the case. You can't stop my very own emotions, can you?"

He felt her tremble in his embrace before a sniffing sound resonated in the room. She was crying, his heart ached.

The man hugged her closer in silence since there was no need for words. His younger self needed her whether to entertain him or cheer him up, the roles were now inverted: she needed him and he was willing to be there. For her.

* * *

They were in one of Yoshiwara's lounge, sat around a table and sipping black tea to warm them up. "Sougo, I heard you finally accepted your feelings! I'm glad for you and China-san, how's things going right now?" Kondo smiled warmly, while his counterpart, the former vice-chief was smirking at the new.

 _The_ Okita Sougo, dense and prideful, admitted loving the redhead enough to pursue her romantically.

"Not good as I hoped to. China is not well, she acts weird and weak, moreover, she hides something from me." His voice came surprisingly calm as he explained what has happened in the last twenty-four hours, why panic when you know how determined you are? By any means and ways, he'll end up getting her, that was sure. "So after comforting her, I left so she could have some times alone to think about it." He ended, a deadpan adorning his face as always in spite of a certain part which has been battered as of late.

Meanwhile, both the gorilla and mayonnaise lover were slapping their faces of disbelief. If the young man in front of them has never been good with relationships or social interactions, he really surpassed himself this time. This was more than dumb, this was the very clumsy Okita Sougo.

"Let me resume, you discovered your feeling for her, kissed her right away and used her weakness to do it then left?" Hijikata bawled, face-palming wasn't enough anymore, his blood pressure was incredibly high, to the point his veins might pop and explode in a splash of red at the moment. "Sure you had your own reasons, for once well-intentioned but couldn't you do it more...normally? The girl is probably confused as hell now."

"Don't make me sound like a perverted opportunist, Hijikata-san," a katana was casually aimed at the dark haired man, the killing attempt was as casually avoided. "I'm just courting her," the flaxen tried to convince.

"Sougo, Toshi isn't wrong, that's not how you flirt with a girl and try to get into her good grace!" He shook his head as if disappointed. "I didn't know Yatos lived through all that, though, no wonders most of them became blood-thirsty and unstable warriors."

The two other men refrained themselves to point how ironic it was, for the gorilla, to criticize.

"What else can I do then? Let her lose even more esteem of herself and her body, continue with this kind of lifestyle that clearly doesn't make her happy? At least I don't consider her as just a good laid." His face contorted in anger, the thought of her having countless nights with different me, he hated it to its core. Especially if emptiness followed afterward. There was no way he'll let it happen again, if she needed someone for uncontrollable desire, it would be him and no one else since they were unable to treat her greater than he himself, could.

"It's the first time I see him so serious and caring about someone else than Mitsuba-san," whispered the older man to his friend. Both of them knew the boy very well thus they expected him to concede his soft-spot for the red-clad girl, one day.

It just didn't happen like what they case was far more complex, confessing was only the first step, real trouble emerged after.

"I- You- it's true that it's the best if you became her err... unique patron as she'll be less likely to be pained, but what do you mean by hiding? How do you plan to even conquer a young lady like her?" Kondo continued, it was rare for his 'son' to be so open about his intimate life and feeling, he couldn't help but try to help; advise him as the more experimented.

"I don't know. I need to stop her from injuring herself first, I'll see when she'll feel better."

His words caught Hijikata's attention, he retired the cigarette from his mouth as his eyes glanced back to Sougo, "If it's only that, I might have an idea. She'll be mad at you, and it's going to be embarrassing but she'll much oblige to rely on you. Want to hear?"

Sougo stared back, "Sure, what it is, Hijikata-san?"

The man coughed a bit before explaining further his plan, "You see, Kamiyama-san have..."

* * *

Kagura was curled in the fetal position under the blanket, she didn't want to go out of her bed or her room. How, when she was distressed in a situation she never expected? Be it her mind or her feelings, everything was confusing.

The lingering scent of the young man didn't help— at all.

Okita loved her and it made her stomach flutters for no apparent reasons, or so she liked to think. He was willing to help her out, to give back the happiness she missed for some years if only she could at least try to return his feeling.

But she couldn't, which as the true problem.

It was not a question about liking him or not. She just couldn't take up his offer which would be cruel since she'll die at an early age, around her mid-thirties, she assumed. Gin-chan once talked about his deceased sister, a bright woman who died too soon. Her mother too, was an amazing person who went away too soon, what happened subsequently?

Her family has been destroyed, smashed into pieces she couldn't glue back no matter how hard she tried. Her once gentle and loving brother turned into a mentally-wrecked man, he was still her big brother and calmed down with time but it wouldn't ever be the same now. Her father lost his first arm in a brutal battle against Kamui and lately lost his second for the same reason. How amazing.

What about Sadist? He wasn't better gifted. The path he has taken was as bloody as her brother's, even if he was way more lucid it was not always easy to live like this, she remembered the Rokkaku Inn accident.

And, ultimately, sighed.

Besides, no one knew if an Amanto like her could bear a human's child. _Why should I even think about that? It's not like I love him. There's no future in this_ , she'll tell him as soon as possible.

Kagura put her clothes back even if she was still disheveled-looking, the quicker she took care of it the better and Okita was probably at Yoshiwara right now, she'll join him immediately.

With that, the redhead stormed off the spaceship.

* * *

He couldn't believe in the plan he was going to execute. The kid at his right wore an encouraging smile, which made him feel a bit more confident but Okita still wasn't sure on how China's going to react. She'll hate me for sure, he cringed, damn Hijikata-san. Damn world for making it harder than it was supposed to be.

 _"You see Kamiyama has a wife and a kid here but he decided to follow us instead of quitting the Shinsengumi and leading a family life. I heard that their son have deep ocean eyes." The V-bang haired man began his story, making the other man raising their brows in curiosity._

 _"How is that going to help me? Do you want me to kill you for your stupidity Hijikata-san?"_

 _The concerned paid no mind to the nth insults, smoking one more time before continuing. "Let me finish, the Yorozuya girl told us that rumors and info spread easily in Yoshiwara right? Also, no women, even courtesans, can have their way here if they have a child…"_

 _Kondo's eyes widened at the realization, "Are you saying that..._ You want _to 'ban' China-san from the available girls in Yoshiwara? Is that even possible?"_

 _"It is._ Hyakkas _are there to make sure the rules are applied correctly."_

This explained why he was hidden in a narrow alley's shadow with a blue eyed child at his side, Kamichirou, bubbling with determination. Like his father, the five years old admired the police force— even if they were rebels right now— he was willing to do anything if he could help. At his right was Okita Sougo! His father adulated him, the first squad captain and Shinsengumi prodigy.

His eyes sparkled at him, _he's really a copy of father_ , the flaxen-haired man noted with amusement. Innocently, he thought about how Souichirou or Kaguya would look, they'd be quite feral and monstrous kid, not to mention sadistic children. However, extremely beautiful. And adorable.

The (pleasant) train of thought crashed when the target finally made its apparition, walking fast in the street. He foreshadowed the event as this wavering China would, of course, come to refuse his offer. As if he'll allow it. His mahogany eyes glanced at the kid who nodded in comprehension, running towards the girl as if his life depended on it.

Operation Hijikata is stupid but maybe not this time started!

"Mamaaaa!" He shouted, launching himself at Kagura in a hug, faking his tears and desperate voice. "Why did you leave papa and me again? I'm sad, don't leave me, don't leave me!" He repeated, not relinquishing his grasp on her.

"Whoa-What? Wait I'm not your mother, brat! I don't even have a husband—" But she blanched at the look thrown at her. People were whispering about how cruel she was and how poor the boy and husband were, blood was leaving her face— what the hell was happening?

Who was this child and what the fuck was he actually bellowing?

Kagura learned the red-light district's rules a long ago by Tsukki, she knew how she should react...Taking his hand, she pulled him along with her as she stormed off again, this time, to go away.

Unbeknownst to her yet, someone followed her until reaching Kabuki-Cho 'safe' side again, where she stopped on her track.

"What the fuck kid? What is your name and why did you do this?" She was furious. It was going to be complicated to just wander in Yoshiwara now. She was still on her period, damn.

It was really a bad timing right now.

"I'm Kamichirou and I did for Okita-dono!" The brown haired kid confessed, smiling genuinely. The mission given to him was a success, he aced in helping out a Shinsengumi officer!

"...Sadist?" Her eyes burned at the arriving man, looking way less distressed than her, seemingly perfectly fine with the plan he carried out. "What are you trying to do? Involving a kid, even?"

He patted the child's shoulder, whispering a 'good job' and 'you can go now', Kamichirou nodded excitedly before making his way back to his parents home. Only then Okita answered,"I'm trying to protect you, that's all. You are weak during this kind of...heat. Yoshiwara's men can do nasty things without you being able to fight them."

He closed the distance between them, pushing her in a back-street, his head was still put for a ridiculous price, offered by the actual shogun.

It was a precaution and they needed privacy in any case.

She could feel him breathing as he compelled her to be against the wall, his whole body forbade her from escaping. His upper body leaned toward her, so his ruby orbs were at her owns' level.

"You don't need to worry for me, this is not your business." She cut before he could utter more words. "You know that I'm here to refuse you."

"I do," he nuzzled his head into her neck. "And you know how stubborn I man. I never said that I'll abandon so easily, you're my business China since I'll make you mine." His tone was low. Husky.

 _Dangerously low and husky._

"Get someone else to harass, I'm not a body at your service," she bitterly commented. Good thing she did the deed recently or else she would have succumbed to her instinct— to kiss him here and now, hard.

"Heeh. But you are, when you're with other men, on the opposite I don't see you as such. You're China, the brat I used to spare with and…"

 _Where did this sudden confidence come from?_ he wondered.

His hands traveled down, from the wall to her shoulders, the upper torso until his arms wrapped around her waist. "The one I want now. Badly, in many ways. But most importantly, besides me."

She shivered, he was almost breathing into her ears, Kagura bit her lips in frustration.

That was what she feared the most, the unusually gentle yet seductive Sadist, the one that could make her feel honest with herself, make her heart skip leap of beats.

She just wanted to drown in his sweet words and embrace, it was a vicious trap she must resist, to— to—

 _Protect him, you, everybody._

 _Right._

"I'll never love you back. Never." Her words were harsh but her voice showed hesitation, again.

"You will because I sure won't give up. You have no other choice but to rely on me anyway. What is so bad about it? I'll make Kamichirou apologize later when everything is cleared if that's the problem." He cocked an eyebrow and eventually preferred to bury his face in her hair— her scent.

"You have no idea on what you are getting in. You'll be the one hurt in the end, not me." She stopped herself from grabbing his uwagi, lies flew so easily, when did she learn to disillusionize herself so much? Obviously, it was not a selfless act either. She was scared.

"As if I ever cared for risks," he shrugged, "So is it a deal now, Kagura? Tell me the truth, I won't run away."


	6. Chapter 6 - Brother and Light

**Author's note: Hi guys, here's the update. I struggled quite much on it but I hope you'll like how the story is going on :3**

Withoutsmile: You are indeed right, it had been my mistake to not mention it previously but Hijikata and Kondo got the help of Tsukkuyo, since they are basically living with her and Hinowa. And she's the Hyakka's leader (see in this chapter), plus Kagura had been fast enough to escape, too)

Xxeoxx: Thank you 3

agirlworthfighting4: Indeed, though Hijikata was the mastermind for once. Never underestimate the Shinsengumi xD

Guest: I'm glad :)

Jess-nee: Sougo's getting ahead too much haha OvO As you know, I think I'll never stop writing fics, for I am too much in fandoms...I'm not sure on if they are as awesome as you describe them, tjough ^v^ Thank for your support 3

Ami: They had always been caring for each other, right? *hmm so much Okikagu chapters, hope they'll see each other soon* Thank for dropping a review each time!

Lu89: Thank you very much!

I love Okikagu: I'm glad you enjoyed it. If you like fluff then you'll be satisfied soon ;) Thank for rewiewing the chapter as always and take care~

Mitsuki: Don't worry, it will eventually happen soon :3 You are th best for commenting each chapter without any misses, thank you!

PutxiChan: Your avatar is cute. *I love the Sadistic sisterhood three*

Mi-chan: I'm delighted by your words, thank you :3

* * *

 **Crimson** **Soul**

 _Brother - Light_ **  
**

* * *

"My mother...Was an immortal." She gave up on resisting, god knows how stubborn he was when he wanted and she wasn't willing to waste more time with him, moreover it might also discourage him from pursuing her. Truth to be said, confessing this story and her possible sickness didn't bother her so much but looking weak and becoming useless did, especially in front of him. He was the least person she'd think of telling this, fate really do wonders...It's not like she had many choices too, after the stunt he pulled at Yoshiwara. "Yup, she was like Utsuro. Yato's home planet's immortal."

She ignored the shocked look on his face to continue the story, "For them, Altana is like eating or drinking, they can't live without it. In mami's case, the planet was dying and so was she, worst is that by marrying papi and funding a family, she got away from her life-source. That's why she died of illness soon after giving birth to me."

Okita probably had a hard time processing everything she just revealed, it meant that Utsuro was actually killable despite his immortal title and she was about to announce the second news. "And I probably have some dormant Altana within that mami passed down to me, consciously or not. If it ever wakes up I'll be doomed to the same fate as her." Her words levelled up in harshness, "Do you understand Sadist? I don't fear anyone running away from me," her eyes looked up to him. "I'm the one who'll leave."

She saw him wince, his usual deadpan or smirking face replaced with . This was meant to happen, she thought, and it was better to pain him now than later. Like she said it before he had the choice in term of women, it's not like she was his only chance. She couldn't help but feel like it was more of contrary, that he was her only chance and she was not going to accept that.

Sure, like anyone would, Kagura found the Sadist handsome (even if she won't ever admit it out loud), he was a good lover no matter which way you see it and they always had this kind of indescribable relationship balancing between rivals and more.

Which was exactly why she couldn't', wouldn't see him hurt. _Guess it's a form of love, too? He just doesn't need to know that._

She sighed, "You understand now, right? Just don't go telling it to Gin-chan, Shinpachi and the other. They worry too much, Utsuro should keep them busy, not me." His silence probably meant understanding so she was going to leave for good.

Yet again, he surprised her by stopping her dead on the track.

"It's a deal, then."

* * *

He didn't understand why he had to say this. She clearly warned him about her possible premature death (Okita refused to acknowledge it) and her own reasons to refuse him, it made senses to her weird act, in fact. But he couldn't let her go. To relinquish the grasp he always had on _China_.

It started messy, with uneasy feeling of her with someone else than himself, of her not being available anymore. He always knew his soft spot for her and appreciated the moments they shared, and maybe he did he deny his feelings for a long time until now. It was on the spite of the moment, but he had to concede the mushy-mushy surge his heart send him each time she was near, _he was in love_.

Furthermore, she was not a little girl anymore, why would he treat her as such? Even his younger self held a similar feeling when it came to her and she was of the age now, she became the only woman he'd ever consider seriously. (Because who could compete against her, after all?)

" _It's a deal then."_ Those were his last words before getting back to the red-light district, peacefully, letting Kagura all confused again.

He'll come for her later, when he'll clear his own mind first. He had acted confident, full of himself like always or else Kagura would have doubted him and he _needed_ the opposite, truth was he was not much better than her. Acting without thinking happened atrociously more often since he came back.

He sat down on his room's _tatamis_ and pondered what he should think about it. While he was glad to learn that even immortals could die, he wasn't sure if he'll be emotionally safe if she ever dies from sickness— or simply dies at all.

China was strong, insanely strong. At fourteen years old she could easily rival his eighteenth years of existence, mostly made of training and killing, he was the prodigy, she was an alien from the strongest race in the whole universe. Ever since their first brawl under the cherry blossoms, he knew that he met the right person to spare with. Maybe had he always looked at her, she caught his fancy.

 _But she said that she'll die._

She was not a single bit like Mitsuba, with the exception of both women's strong will. His sister was a beautiful, feminine lady, gentle and generous with a weak body and she, a Yato, a brazen brat who learned nasty manners with her silver haired dad.

Really, nothing alike.

So how could she die like Mitsuba?

Okita stood up, made a circle in his room before sitting down again, frustrated. She could recover from bullets shots, severe cuts in one night, yet have a short life? Her, from all, cursed with a half-immortal bloodline?

Fate was not good at joking, because he _as hell_ wasn't amused. He wouldn't let her down just because she might be sick, or else he'd reproduce the same mistakes he did with Mitsuba, even if he himself had absolutely no idea on how to cope after today's revelations. Hijikata and Kondo had done everything they could already and were decided to make it easier for him, to the point that they even got Tsukkuyo's and the Hyakka's help to keep Kagura away from Yoshiwara. Or at least, if she's with another man than him.

 _I sound crazy, this China's causing me way too much problems, I hope she'll feel better when she'll be back._ He rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly, erratic days consumed most of his energy lately so Okita was sure to rest now.

* * *

She had left for one week, cowardice to be damned, it was impossible to stay on Earth and fulfil her need at the same time (Hyakkas strangely got in her ways each damn time), at least, not without meeting the Sadistic bastard. It was not very glorious to drown in blood and forget everything else just because of woman's "Hell Week" albeit the Yato version which angered her furthermore for a pride and values to be stained even more. She felt guilty to lash out against innocent beings (even if they were enemy) with the stupid reason that she was in a mix of heat and period moment.

Unlike her, most of her clan didn't really care about this matter.

Kamui did the same, quenching his need in blood and forget everything unimportant, Kagura quoted him, "It's a war, we're Yatos moreover we get stronger. You should learn to kill if you aim to protect," he smiled, "or simply let your inner instinct set free." It was almost terrifying to see a glimpse of wisdom from him, for him to be usually insanely violent.

They shares blood and it left nothing but wonders about him, why would Kamui restrain himself too? Abuto would say it's because of how bloodthirsty he is that women- or men, perhaps- don't interest the man, however, the little sister thought otherwise. He lives driven, she could never round him entirely and did not dare to ask if him too, suffered, he'll lie anyway.

Because he didn't accept weaknesses they all had, he was the strongest, the most dangerous, not a wimp and he was not stupid either, emotions were not totally useless but they get in his path to become the deadliest space pirate universe had ever carried. It led Kagura to ponder if she'll ever have a goal too. Before, it was staying with the Yorozuya forever, now she didn't know what do anymore, in this infinite universe.

Outer-space was truly gorgeous, through the glasses her eyes longed on the pitch black canvas painted with gallons and gallons of dots, sometimes small, big, white, blue, orange and it was pretty. Suddenly she realised being only a girl and her problems are buried among thousand of them. Papi and mami told her a long time ago that space was lonely when you travel alone, that once they found each other, space was the start of new adventures, a new life perfectly enjoyable. Should she join her brother or father's side later? Staying on Earth was out of question, if lady luck favoured it she'd only visit the blue planet from time to time.

Which make her only gloomier, it was well-known that the orange haired girl cherished her beloved Earthlings.

 _Knock knock._

"Abuto told me you were whimpering again, so I came," Kamui casually explained when he went closer and sat on the windows sill with her. "Mind sharing your sad life, little sister?" The concerned elbowed him, cocked an eyebrow before sighing.

"Please don't come just to laugh at me, Kamui, I'd be better off with my "sad life" to be depressed with."

Kamui kept his smile still and didn't budge, "Unfortunately you ought to support me, for I really plan to comfort the little sister here. So, is this earthling officer troubling you so much?" His grin widened when she lost her posture, cringing, this is when he knew that he was right. "Bull's eye. You are confused ever since you started wearing his scent, you know? It's such a shame that I am able to put two and two together."

"You are horribly interested in my love life, that is certainly a first, idiot big brother," she glared pointedly at him.

The male nodded, "so it is love life, indeed. Say, sister dear, I do not understand what you may feel for him but I do know how you feel right now, as we're talking. Have I been influencing you too much? because you changed years by years, my sister has both wit and barb, she's violent and shows what she thinks. You're doing the perfect opposite."

"It is indeed, if I smelled like him then you should know what might happened, I wouldn't dare to describe it as love though." She wanted to end this conversation as quickly as she could with an attempt of changing the topic , "Papi must have told you about the whole story, isn't it normal to act weirdly when you'll die in some years?"

"There are plenty of reasons to die, it's the common fate for every living beings, why acting scared now? Mami was in the same situation but it didn't prevent her from getting a family or being happy."

"Mami was satisfied, but her death broke our family. I don't want it to happen again."

"It's only because we are Yato, with a very stupid baldy for a father," he argued back then opened his eyes, "He's a human and I believe him to be less idiotic than our father. He has more hair on his head after all."

'As if you were better," Kagura refrained herself from laughing, her hand landed on her mouth to muffle the sound. Those jokes on baldy were still funny as ever. It earned her a smirk from her big brother, calming her down as consequence, "Are you really so keen of him? I'd believe that you love him."

"We both love fighting him but I'm not the one who'll cry if he dies," he rolled his eyes, "Don't think too much of Baldy's words, it's purely a theory and even if it's the case, why would your Altana suddenly wake up? This is as stupid as his shiny egg, I don't want to console you when you failed to catch the chance and get heartbroken." Kamui balanced his legs before standing up, "The sister I know wouldn't be anxious over some suppositions, right? She doesn't need to think of future, big brother and father are here to ponder about it."

 _Did he just_ — She couldn't believe what he said as he closed the door behind him— _He admitted being_ _ **worried**_ _for me?_

Warm pooled in the pit of her stomach, this was unexpected but her psycho brother was the one to cheer her up. It had been a long time, Kagura was happy and ready to see life in a new light.

 _And did I just accept that Sadist was important to me? As in, a ...Lover? It wouldn't be this bad with him._


End file.
